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Nikki Heaton's avatar

Wow. A huge insight to the grief you carry. It’s really a lot. I hate that you’re the odd one out ... also by the way this felt like an English lesson from 1999 !! Loved it. Get it in The Anthology if you ask me ... I think we all need a much earlier and wider knowledge of biology and infertility for both education and by means of coping as women. I learn something new every time you wrote. For that, I Thankyou x

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Ryan Rose Weaver (she/hers)'s avatar

I really enjoyed the structure of this post -- a poem + a discussion -- probably because I’m missing my own English classrooms of the past (both the ones where I was a student and the ones where I was a teacher).

And of course the content strongly resonated. I’ve thought and written along the same lines -- that every pregnancy creates a parallel possible universe, and every pregnancy loss closes it off, and yet you live in the bardo in between as much as you do your “real” life. How could you not? It is where your child or children live.

I think a lot about Cheryl Strayed’s bit about “The Ghost Ship That Didn’t Carry Us,” which feels like it belongs in this conversation. Like you, I loved it and argued with it in my head. Because it’s not just one ghost ship, when you’re experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss. It’s many ships. Every single one with a possible child on it, that you almost rode all the way home on, and then didn’t. As you say, I think it will be many years, maybe a lifetime, before I can salute those ones from the shore. The truth is that I want them back, every one.

https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/

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