I will be entirely frank. As we left to drive to Devon for our break I was in a terrible way. I think I had cried every day for weeks by this point. I was crying as we left, having to keep my sunglasses on to grab a sandwich from the petrol station en route.
Life was feeling hopelessly intolerable.
My anxiety was the pervasive, illogical kind; stretching it’s tentacles beyond what I quite rightly should be anxious about, into panic about just how many people there are in the world, how many photos exist in iClouds. Macro worry with a side of cellular level sadness — always my signal that I’m not well.
With the freshly saved details of a psychotherapist specialising in infertility on my phone, I decided to give myself six days away to see if I could reset. I imposed a no What’s app, social media, news, general internet ban. Only research for our trip, google maps and photo taking allowed. Throw in a 1000 piece jigsaw (actually 999 — the devastation!), sea air, cold-water swims, morning jogs, two good books and loads of steps to climb to our cottage every day, and you have the environment for a busy mind to breathe.
I reset. I dragged myself back from the brink of crisis. Here’s how it looked.
Brixham Harbour
Where we stay. I love Brixham. The perfect harbour town. Great food. Lovely locals. No airs and graces, tourist friendly but still true to its working harbour authenticity.
Brixham is also the base for the RNLI Torbay area lifeboat. An interesting history of its heroic crews throughout the decades can be read near this mermaid.
A walk after a Sunday roast
There were lots of families in the pub but we managed to get a table where I could face away from the envy-inducing fellow diners. We also got a free bottle of Prosecco that the waitress let us sneak out unopened, to save for a future occasion. I liked placing a bit of future happiness on the opening of it. Holding on to the idea I will be relaxed and joyful when I share it with others.
Cold-Water Therapy
I’ve done a few plunge pools in spas, watched the Wim Hof show and have a good grasp of breathwork to regulate the nervous system, but I’ve never got into the sea in April.
It was an invigorating challenge. I did it twice pre 8am. Once, here with sun and still water, the other overcast with waves rolling in and the temperature most definitely lower. I felt noticeably clear-headed and energised afterwards.
We got talking to another swimmer, a woman who goes in every morning and evening. She was there after a night shift working as a palliative care nurse. I told her I had been a midwife asking if the swim helped her get to sleep after work. She said it did and then commented that we have worked the opposite area of life to each other “Oh you were the other end then!” both holding steaming flasks of hot liquid looking out across the sea, contemplating all that plays out in the years between our areas of expertise.
Fior Di Latte
An Italian recipe ‘flower of milk’, the best ice cream can be found in Totnes at Delphini’s. The sun appeared for long enough to enjoy it before more rain as we walked past Fred from ‘First Dates’ filming a show with the chef Angela Hartnett. We are hoping to see our rain macs (including Skyla’s yellow one) in the background when the show airs.
Dramatic steps per day increase
The mile stretch of sea wall to the lighthouse is a perfect stroll length. We saw a seal playing around a pontoon a few times. At dusk I loved looking back at all the lights on in the houses perched up the cliff face. I have this thing about looking at warmly lit homes in the evening from outside in the cold. I have given it the official name of “Nocte-Thermo Voyeurism” Nocte is Latin for night (a remnant from my drug chart days), thermo is the temperature part (it MUST be cold outside) and well, the voyeurism is self explanatory (and I promise, legal!). I just find it really comforting. It’s even better if I spot someone sitting down to dinner, Nocte-Thermo Culinary Voyeurism is extra special.
A soggy Skyla getting carried back from a long trek. Frenchies can’t go too far and she actually loves the rucksack, she almost falls asleep in it. We definitely make people’s day when they spot her peering over Joe’s shoulder.
Pirates
The day before we left, a huge galleon ship from Spain arrived in the harbour. We saw it coming in whilst eating breakfast, amid a second spot of Fred and Angela filming with it sailing in behind them. We were sad to be missing out on the Brixham Pirate Festival but did see a few ‘pirates’ around town before leaving. It’s definitely down in the diary for another year as the whole town dresses up. Every charity shop had a pirate window display, with clothes fit to walk the plank in, and there I was considering them as a fashion choice!
Going Dark
Bliss. Absolute game-changer but it’s hard to be totally offline when not on holiday. I’ve kept my What’s app notifications off. I can only see messages if I go into the app and I try to keep that to a minimum over a day. I’ve also decided when I’m on holiday that I will keep ‘going dark’. It’s a scary thought over the last however many years owning smartphones, a huge majority of us haven’t had even a full 24 hours not using one. I remember life before the internet in your hand but I haven’t ‘felt’ it for a long time. These six days proved it feels really good. Now to merge it into everyday life and to keep reaping the mental health benefits.
Sounds stunning 💛 And thrillingly, I have Nocte-Thermo Culinary Voyeurism too. I try (and struggle) to write about it, cos it’s such a sweet, odd, achey feeling.
But it’s ideal if it’s warm for me, and the front flywire door is open, so you can smell onions frying and maybe hear the murmuring of a television as you walk by. 👌
999 pieces, the devastation! 😂 looks glorious, glad you got to reset.