The Seven Mothers
How an aspect of Hinduism helps me to feel like a mother and the beautiful moment that led me to it.
Mother’s Day is here. But the build up started weeks ago with all the marketing emails asking if I’d prefer to not receive the related content — helpful or hurtful I’m not sure. This year I will be staying off social media and not going anywhere public (sorry Mum!).
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I embody the mother archetype, without the child to show for it. Trying to tap into the energy I want to arrive within my body, heart and home. It has reminded me of a moment exchanged with a shop assistant a year before my first miscarriage, which ended up being a poem called ‘Seven Mothers’.
I was enthralled by this snatched moment of connection on an ordinary day. I decided to research further and discovered she was referring to ‘The Seven Mothers of Hinduism’ — my time as a midwife linking to Mother No.6 ‘Dhatri - The Caregiver’.
The knowledge I gained about The Seven Mothers then, has given me some comfort through the last years — particularly when I was faced with the question “Are you maternal?” at a dinner table, just a week after my first IVF round.
It was a clumsy line of enquiry from someone much older — a possible way of trying to re-phrase the ‘Do you want children?’ question they vaguely knew shouldn’t be uttered in polite company, but their mouth was opening before they could sensor themselves. It especially hurt because this person did have an awareness of our losses and need for IVF. They realised their error almost immediately and did apologise later on, but in that instant I had interpreted the question as needing to be asked because I must not come across as if I am maternal.
I wondered in the post-IVF haze of sensitivity, if this was all happening to me because I’m not ‘maternal’ enough? Maybe there was something ‘off’ about me in this respect that others could sense?
Obviously this is not something I spent too long ruminating over, I mostly had a huge cry and rant, then found myself returning to The Seven Mothers. They highlighted the abundance of maternal energy I have displayed my entire life and how I have grown in connection to it more recently — in ways that I hadn’t considered before.
I’ve gathered together my thoughts on each ‘Mother’ and how I find resonance with her, how she is a guide in my efforts to inhabit the vast and varied landscape of divine femininity outside of carrying a pregnancy or giving birth.
1. Audau Mata - The Biological Mother
“The biological mother creates, maintains, and does her best to transform us into the best versions of ourselves.” — Syama Allard/The Seven Mothers of Hinduism
The holy grail. The one I have fleetingly been, twice. I say ‘been’ because I will technically always be the biological mother of two tiny entities, but I don’t say I’m a mother of two or that I’ve had two children. I’ve tasted the noun and not felt the verb. I haven’t got to ‘mother’ yet, but I know I have dedicated myself to creation and doing my best to transform a situation so that my child can exist. The sheer strength and sacrifice needed to move through a troubled fertility journey can’t be anything other than the love of a mother. I know this to be true.
2. Guru Patni - The Wife of one’s Guru
“The wife of the guru would become like a mother figure for the students, bestowing upon them the warmth and affection needed for developing children living away from parents.” — Syama Allard/The Seven Mothers of Hinduism
For the purposes of modernisation I’m not going to look at any of the Mothers who are wives as the literal version of being a wife. More the essence of them, which for Guru Patni is the mother figure that supports learning and development done away from a child’s parents. There are two ways I feel this energy. One is my bond with a friend’s son, who I have spent regular time with away from his parents. In simple ways when he was younger, I would come to his house to read him a bedtime story, just us two. Now that he is older I take him out to the cinema or for pizza, and have enjoyed nurturing his love of writing, spending time together creating stories. The second way is as a teacher. All the years as a mentor for student midwives, how I was teaching them to ‘mother the mother’ in their role, and also my time spent teaching pregnancy yoga and baby massage. I’ve always enjoyed teaching, in the many forms it has entered my life but had never considered it as a display of maternal force before.
3. Brahmani - The Wife of The Sage
“The soft-hearted wife of a sage in Vedic culture acted as a spiritual anchor to her husband, ensuring that he never lost sight of life’s true Divine goal in his guidance of society.” — Syama Allard/The Seven Mothers of Hinduism
For me, Brahmani is present in my desire to be a guide for others, the person with the wisdom or nugget of philosophical gold. I like to think that amongst friends I’m known for being a person you can bring a problem to. I still receive lovely messages from ex-colleagues who loved my life and relationship advice, dished out on the ward at 3am, steaming tea in our hands, laughter stifled so as to not disturb the patients. A few years ago I had a poetry Instagram, sharing my inner most thoughts, much the same as I do now with The Bardo. I’m also a qualified coach and had just started my life coaching business when I had my first miscarriage. I kept that dream alive as long as I could, but by my second loss I stepped away from coaching to focus on myself. I actually coached a friend a few weeks ago and felt myself come alive. I’ll get back to it properly one day. The fact I love to lean into the spirituality of connecting, sharing and being vulnerable reminds me that mothering, in this respect, has always been innate to me.
4. Raj Patnika - The Queen
“The queen was viewed as a respected mother, who viewed the residents of the kingdom as her own children, inspiring and helping the king to implement policies favorable for the ultimate welfare of all.” — Syama Allard/The Seven Mothers of Hinduism
It took me until writing this article to recognise where the ‘Queen’ resides in my life. and I think it’s because it’s an energy I’ve only felt as I’ve moved through my late thirties and mostly due to the ‘King’ (hi Joe!) I was lucky enough to build a kingdom with. This just wasn’t present for me before. The notion of inspiring and helping each other to implement action that considers the welfare of all is no longer an idea. I feel this from my choice of life partner. I am never in doubt about how much he respects me, how much I rule equally in our life together. Ultimately, my choice to bond with Joe was the chance at motherhood I wanted, but it’s been interesting to consider that whilst we aren’t parents it still supports me to develop my maternal instincts.
5. Dhenu - The Cow
“Recognizing the motherly aspect of the Divine in others, including animals, is important, because it helps to invoke the gratitude required to treat others with love and respect, thus making the world a more peaceful and happy place.” — Syama Allard/The Seven Mothers of Hinduism
I had six cats as a child. They had their own sleeping quarters — a shed with straw-lined bunk beds my Dad had made. I learnt from day dot the value of animal companionship; how to care for another being. Over my years of trying to become a mother I have grown into a deeper appreciation of animals. When life has become difficult I have found reassuring simplicity in the natural world. From spotting birds on walks, adopting our dog Skyla to being proud of Joe becoming a vegan — I now try to make more conscious choices in relation to animals. To caveat, I’m not a vegan but I eat much less meat now, and only eat red meat once or twice a year - it used to be a few times a week. Something here has shifted and at times I think it could shift further, once my baby-making years are behind me. For now, I intuitively feel I need to eat certain foods but critical thought about this has arisen alongside my seeking of motherhood.
6. Dhatri - The Caregiver
“It goes without saying that those who help to take care of you when you’re vulnerable or sick, be they a physician, nurse, daughter, son, sister, nephew, niece, etc., should be shown deep gratitude.” — Syama Allard/The Seven Mothers of Hinduism
Midwifery wasn’t my first caregiver role. The earliest one I recall was my attempt as a 6 year-old to nurse a dragonfly back to health. I made it a little sick bed in our garden shed and brought it water, leaves to nibble on and soft, kind words of support. It didn’t survive, but my inclination to help and care for others did. At 19, I spent a year supporting adults with learning disabilities within their home before starting my midwifery course. I don’t think I have ever strongly identified with being ‘caring’ per se, more that I want to advocate for others and be in the thick of human emotion. I seem to relish that place, where it’s intense and messy — so parenting a toddler in a meltdown has a curious appeal to the Dhatri in me.
7. Prithvi - The Earth
“Like a staunch and magnanimous mother who generously gives her children all they need for their sustenance, the earth produces all of life’s necessities, requiring nothing in return.” — Syama Allard/The Seven Mothers of Hinduism
I’ve always been fascinated by space and our place within it. How we all won the cosmic lottery to have a life on Earth, spinning 1000mph through uninhabitable darkness. If I think about it for too long I can become overawed. I’m grateful to have seen a lot of the world with my own eyes. The fact this planet is our original mother, our first and only home has become more prominent within my mind as it has the collective, as we struggle to deal efficiently with climate change. I must admit that the severity of the situation has thrown my efforts to have children into question. I’ve wondered what world they will inherit and felt impotent in what I can do to change this. I don’t know the answer. I do what I can on my very local, individual level. Of all the Seven Mothers Prithvi is the most important. In reality my problems are small in comparison to her magnificence. Really, when I listen to her enough, notice her sheer beauty I can feel this. The less I think of ‘me’ and more I think of ‘her’ and all that has been gifted (not what hasn’t) — the closer I get to brief moments of contentment. Like a child held in a mother’s arms.
I had not heard of this framing before. So meaningful to consider that “biological mother” is only one of the seven. We mother in so many ways. A beautiful choice, to witness one’s self and others in all of these roles -- and as giving and receiving these kinds of love.