Day 8: '40 Until 40' The Flight Path
A poem about a healing day out with my wonderful Nan
‘40 Until 40’ is a poetry project to keep me creative over the forty days that lead up to my big 4-0 birthday. A gift to myself of time to write in the whirlwind of new motherhood. Each day I choose a 35mm photo I have taken over the last decade and see what words want to be with it. Process wise I’m open to whatever works on a given day, but I have some new methods I’m keen to try so let’s see where they lead me…
Day 8
The Photo
I chose two photos today that give context to the words I wrote. Initially I was working from just the photo of my Nan and Joe, but as the poem progressed I decided to put the two together.
They were taken on an early spring day in March 2022. We had taken my Nan to watch the planes coming in to land at Luton Airport from Stockwood Park, which is on the flight path. It was a perfect day out and just what I needed as I was deep into a third attempt to transfer our embryo, that would two years later safely arrive as our son, Quinn.
It was a really challenging time in my conception struggles as I was having to make huge decisions to not transfer and leave the free NHS care to pursue the answers I needed within the private sector. Ultimately the time in my life the photos represent was pivotal to Quinn’s existence — if I had transferred back then I am certain it would of failed as I was unaware of my killer cell status.
I can recall the difficulty in trying to think clearly enough to make life-altering decisions, as I was taking huge doses of oestrogen at the time, that did nothing to me except cause weight gain, depression, anxiety and severe fatigue.
I was not myself. This day out allowed me to see the small joys in life again, watching my Nan be so enthralled by each passing plane.
The Poem
The Process
It was a straight forward process to start. I knew I would just describe taking Nan out for the day. As I wrote I was flooded with memories of her and my Grandad taking me to the Natural History Museum in Tring when I was a child. I was considering how the roles are reversed now, that I take her places which ignite her child-like wonder.
I had two images in my mind’s eye from that time — one is the butterfly specimens in the display cases and the other is all of the taxidermy, in particular a huge polar bear stood up on its hind legs. I got the butterflies in easily as the planes lend themselves to that simile (as well as the photo informing how to describe the likeness), but the polar bear just wouldn’t work. I tried to liken the cherry blossom to taxidermy (a reach I know!) but it wasn’t right so decided to stick to the one memory.
I did have a few lines about showing her the app for the flight radar on my phone and how that astonished her, like I was astonished at the museum, but again it was unnecessary. In the end I finalised the poem by moving the last line from its original placing which was much closer to the beginning.
I’m really pleased with how it all tuned out. The flight path itself serves as a metaphor for life, how we will all land and end that journey eventually. And my Nan is the ‘overwhelmingly blue sky’. She is one of the most content people I know with such a sunny, friendly disposition. Even with the difficulties of her advanced age, she just beams and is religiously grateful.
I aspire to see things as she does.
My writing is free to access but if you wanted to show a small sign of appreciation, hot drinks on maternity leave are always welcome!
Jade x
I think this is my favourite of your ‘40 until 40’ pierces so far, Jade. It’s such a beautifully simple narrative on the surface yet so very evocative and with such depth. I loved reading the context around it as well and feel the struggles of that time - pursuing conception through IVF is absolutely brutal. ❤️ It was really interesting to hear the other memories that came up for you but that, in the end, you felt didn’t work in the poem. I think the end result is perfect and beautifully crafted. Thank you for sharing.